A few more

@rondetto Said

Shaun and Patrick are on a cruise ship. "It's awful quiet on the deck tonight," says Shaun.
Patrick says: "Maybe they're all listening to the band."
"What band, there isn't one." says Shaun.
Patrick says: "I'm sure I heard someone say A Band On ship."

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A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked.
"What did you take?" his priest asked.
"Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake."
"This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?"
"No, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But if you can get the plans, I can get the wood for it."

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During their anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?"
The husband replied: "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."

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I went to the doctor and he told me “Don’t eat anything fatty“. I told him “Don’t call me fatty“.

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