Every one a gem

@rondetto Said

I got my face slapped by the new girl at work today. I only asked If she spits or swallows.
It seems like a reasonable question, being as we are both wine tasters.

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A thief broke into my house last night looking for money. So I got up out of my bed and searched with him.

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I thought I'd have better luck in the London marathon this year.
Last year I managed 3 hours and 35 minutes.
This year I'm going to try and beat that, but usually I get bored after a few hours and turn the tv over.

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Apparently, you can't use beefstew as a password.
It's not stroganoff.

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Little Johnny's father took him on a fishing trip to Scotland
On returning home after catching only three fish his father says, "The way I figure it each fish cost us £400!"
Little Johnny replied, "Well, at that price it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more of them than we did."

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Ive just washed my car with my son!!
I really should buy a sponge.

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Our WiFi went down and all the kids came running out their rooms.
Blimey, they haven't half grown.

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Did you hear about the drummer who gave his daughters the same names?
Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3, Anna 4.

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Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to a football game. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so.
"I think so, too," said Mabel. "Let's go!"
They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half.
They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed. Then came the second half. When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister.
"I guess we can go home now, Mabel," she said. "This is where we came in."

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